Phil: [aside to camera] It was simplicity itself. A year ago, Claire accused me for the millionth time that I couldn't scare her, so I came up with a plan. I'd just sold a house to a European couple that weren't gonna take possession for a while, so, uh, last fall, "Ida Mae" moved in. Fortunately, the house was right on Claire's jogging route, so it was easy to introduce Claire to Ida Mae, and when I wanted to amp it up, I had Ida Mae make contact. Then, this morning... I knew that ax wouldn't scare Claire. I just did that so she'd accuse me of not being able to scare her.
[flashback:]
Claire: It's all about plausability.
[back:]
Phil: Damn right, it is. Over the past year, Ida Mae joined the neighborhood association, hung up a poster for her lost dog, signed up for Meals on Wheels. They're not bad, by the way. Also, she got a lot of knitting done.

Cameron: I'm trying to get Wi-Fi so I can watch the pumpkin weigh-in at the Halloween festival back home. You know, 25 years ago, I raised the largest Wichita Thumper, and the record still stands. I am so sorry. There's no way to say that that doesn't sound braggy.
Gloria: No, no, you just did fine.
Cameron: You know, as with every pumpkin, there's a story. It was a cold, bitter night, when tap-tap-tap on the window. Darn if it wasn't the vine of my pumpkin, just out there trembling away.
Gloria: That is a great story.
Cameron: Next thing I know, Daddy's pulling the pumpkin through the window, careful, of course, not to break the vine. And for months, it just became a part of our household. People stepping over it to get into the kitchen, blocked half the TV. We thought "The Brady Bunch" was just about three lovely girls. [chuckles] Oh, but nobody complained. Sure, I won Grand Champion, you know, and the right to name the next tornado. But the thing I remember most are the sacrifices [voice breaking] my family made for just me. That's how we do family where I'm from.
Gloria: [inhales sharply] That's how we do family where I am from!

Cameron: I'm trying to get Wi-Fi so I can watch the pumpkin weigh-in at the Halloween festival back home. You know, 25 years ago, I raised the largest Wichita Thumper, and the record still stands. I am so sorry. There's no way to say that that doesn't sound braggy.
Gloria: No, no, you just did fine.
Cameron: You know, as with every pumpkin, there's a story. It was a cold, bitter night, when tap-tap-tap on the window. Darn if it wasn't the vine of my pumpkin, just out there trembling away.
Gloria: That is a great story.
Cameron: Next thing I know, Daddy's pulling the pumpkin through the window, careful, of course, not to break the vine. And for months, it just became a part of our household. People stepping over it to get into the kitchen, blocked half the TV. We thought "The Brady Bunch" was just about three lovely girls. [chuckles] Oh, but nobody complained. Sure, I won Grand Champion, you know, and the right to name the next tornado. But the thing I remember most are the sacrifices [voice breaking] my family made for just me. That's how we do family where I'm from.
Gloria: [inhales sharply] That's how we do family where I am from!

Jay: You got to remember, this was the '60s. Competition in the closet game was fierce, everybody chasing after the next big storage idea. Historians remember this period as the "space race."

Gloria: Cam, I'm sure that there were better ways for me to say what I said. You're packing my face creams.
Cameron: No need to apologize. I know I crossed boundaries. It's how I grew up. Nobody had secrets from anybody. At high-school parties, we just played Dare.
Gloria: I know the feeling. I grew up in a small town myself. We had to bring in a stranger so that the children could learn who not to talk to.
Cameron: You know, I have to say, sometimes your hometown stories sound a little made-up.