Gloria: It's a bad time, Cam. Turns out, it wasn't the allergies. I feel terrible. You shouldn't be close to me. I don't want to get you sick.
Cameron: Oh, gosh. No danger of that. I have the immune system of a horse. When I was a kid, I needed a transfusion, and there was a mix-up with the vials. I've contacted Marvel Comics repeatedly, but they don't seem interested.

Claire: So we're running away from home. I mean, i-i- Is that okay?
Phil: Yes. We live with three adults. We're basically landlords in an apartment building. We're the Ropers!

Jay: You said Cam wouldn't let you come. I thought it was safe.
Mitchell: Safe to what, steal my special day?
Jay: Well, you made it sound so good! The pool, the steak, no one to talk to.
Mitchell: Well, now we have someone to talk to. Thanks a lot.
Jay: Look, the place is gigantic. You do your thing, I'll do mine.
Mitchell: Oh, my God. Dad, you even stole the book that I'm reading.
Jay: When you were over at the house, I peeked at the jacket. I'm not gonna read something Larry King called "Crazy good"?