Phil: [answering FaceTime] What's the best first-person shooter about genetically-modified space marines? Halo!

Phil: I have to go show a house. But first, what was Elton John's sexual orientation in the '70s?
Haley & Alex: Bi.
Haley: You've done that one before.
Phil: And it never gets old. Like the good Captain Fantastic himself.

Phil: [aside to camera] Big day. I'm going to see Alex. I'm, uh I'm a little nervous because she's been pulling away lately. Calls don't get returned. I don't get asked to visit as much. Maybe it's hitting me hard 'cause I never went through that with my dad. After my junior year, we- We rode a tandem bike across Mykonos. Come to think of it, there were lots of fathers and sons there.

Lily: This is boring. Let's go and build a fort in my room. [Lily and friends run off to her bedroom]
Jay: So, what? You're just gonna give up?
Mitchell: You got to know when to surrender.
Jay: No, sir. I'm not losing to the Vietnamese twice in a lifetime. Get up. No man left behind.

Cameron: I'm just saying this is a great opportunity for our sauce.
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: "Our sauce"? All of a sudden, Cam is calling it "our sauce"? I got that recipe from my great aunt who got it from her mother who stole it from a blind maid. How dare he.