Tad: Oh, I forgot the best part of the Costa Rica story. So we get home, and they've taken over the living room, they've taken over the kitchen, I mean, they're in the food, they're on the bed. And finally, after two years of complaining to Diego about this, he finally stops and says, "Okay, now I see it. You do have a monkey problem."
Claire: [laughs uproariously] A monkey problem!
Phil: Yeah, I heard him the first time.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: You can kiss my wife, you can take her to bed, but you cannot make her laugh. I wanna go back. You can kiss my wife, but only I can take her to bed and make her laugh. I wanna go back. Only I can take my wife to bed, comma, and make her laugh.

Manny: Cam, our shared bathroom is not the place to work out whatever's going on here.
[aside to camera:]
Manny: I'm a child of divorce. Conflict resolution is something of a specialty. The key is, tell a personal story that applies to their situation, even if you have to make one up. That way, they really hear what they need to hear.

Jay: Biscuits and gravy?
Cameron: Yep, my grandma Bitsy's secret recipe, given to her by her housekeeper Delilah, who raised her and was her best friend. Kind of like "The Help," except Delilah was white, and was actually herself quite the racist.