Mitchell Quote #972
Mitchell: Herschel, look, we have your old friend Murray Clark!
Herschel: Well, what do you know?
Murray: Hello, Hersch.
Herschel: It's been a lifetime.
Murray: Don't give me that, you smug son of a bitch.
Cameron: What... W-What's happening?
Murray: This bastard told our football coach I was a communist. Got me kicked off the team. I could've gone pro!
Herschel: I only did that 'cause he stole my paper route! I had to deliver ice to support my family.
Mitchell: Deliver ice? How old are you guys?
Herschel: You're a snake!
Murray: You're a rat! He stole my girl when I went to war, and he stayed home with a fake limp.
Herschel: You should be grateful! That woman gave me the clap!
Murray: That was a little gift from me!
Quote from Javier
Manny: Hey, Dad!
Javier: There's my boy! [laughs] Whee! Someone has been wearing my custom-made cologne... Javier! For the man who wants to smell a little bit like a woman.
Quote from Phil
Phil: [aside to camera] Today, our old neighbor-turned-tech-titan, Kenneth, is coming to visit. And he says he has a "big surprise" for me. I don't know if the super rich have access to time travel, but if they do, I'm going back to the '90s.
Claire: Ooh, to buy a whole bunch of Amazon stock?
Phil: No! I'm going to tell Felicity not to cut her hair.
Quote from Schooled
Mitchell: [aside to camera] While often lumped together, gay men and lesbians have less in common than one might think.
Cameron: Like in the Venn diagram of sexual identity, you have gay men...
Mitchell: And straight men. Both the same gender.
Cameron: Then you have gay men...
Mitchell: And straight women. Both attracted to the same gender. But gay men and lesbians? No.
Quote from Lake Life
Mitchell: [aside to camera] It was Scotty, this local lake kid I met on vacation when I was thirteen. I had a huge crush on him, so on the last day, I decided to take a chance and I kissed him. It was my first time ever kissing a boy, so when he pulled away and said that he wasn't "into this," I was humiliated. I mean, I'd obviously misread signals. He was straight. It was five years before I ever made a move on a guy again. And even then, I wouldn't dare unless he was basically floating across the room. Which is why I ended up with... Well, you know.