Modern Family - Cameron Quote #1078
Mitchell: When did we decide that Lily could go to Disneyland? I thought we were gonna talk about this.
Cameron: She's missing one day of school. I missed half of the fifth grade because of a pig bite, and I'm just as educated as anyone else.
Mitchell: Really? When we met, you thought you grew up in Central America.
Cameron: Missouri is in the center of America.
Mitchell: Okay. You also thought that the cavemen killed the dinosaurs.
Cameron: Were you there?
Quote from Joe
Jay: I know she got to you, but, uh, I need you to tell me the truth.
Joe: Is that ice cream for me?
Jay: Could be. What happened to your mom's car? [Joe is silent] I can wait all day, but the trouble with ice cream is, it melts.
Joe: I like it when it melts.
Jay: What do you mean you like it when it melts? Nobody likes ice cream when it melts.
Joe: It's like soup.
Jay: You hate soup.
Joe: Not chocolate soup.
Quote from Haley
Haley: Oh, morning, guys. You missed a beautiful sunrise. You know, living without a phone these past few days has been such a gift. Colors are brighter. Tastes are tastier. Have you ever eaten a peach? I mean, really eaten a peach? Well, most of this is in my short story. The best part, though, has been really getting to know you two. Dad, you are so funny. And you have such kind eyes. And, Mom, president of a closet company? Way to go! I guess that's why it makes it so hard to say goodbye. [picks up phone] Came in this morning. Luke set it up for me. He really shot up, huh? Anyway, in the weeks to come, try and remember that, uh... [cell phone pings] Wh- That skank! No way!
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: I didn't hit anything. Someone must have hit me when I was inside the store with Joe. But talking about accidents, if your dog pees one more time in one of my slippers, I may accidentally leave her at the beach.
Jay: [to Stella] I would never let that happen. And don't lash out at her. If you crashed the car, just tell me.
Gloria: I didn't. And I don't appreciate being called a liar.
Jay: Are you kidding? You can never admit to making a mistake and it drives me crazy. Remember that romantic trip we took to Rome, Indiana?
Gloria: That's where I wanted to go. I meant to buy those tickets.
Jay: Then why did you learn Italian?
Gloria: Mamma mia, Jay. If I had been in an accident, I will admit it. Now, I have to go and buy more slippers online.
Quote from Send Out the Clowns
Cameron: [aside to camera] This week, the world lost a great man, and I lost a mentor. For nearly 60 years, Professor Ringmaster Al Uzielli helped young hopefuls like me find their clown persona.
Mitchell: "Professor Ringmaster"?
Cameron: It's a very prestigious title at Clown College. One step below Piemaster General.
Quote from Unplugged
Cameron: [affected accent] The tribe elders foretold that though I lay with fire-haired man, the giving hawk would bring us baby with her skin the color of sweet corn, which my people call maize.
Mitchell: Okay. Please stop.
Mr. Plympton: Well, uh-
Cameron: Knowledge is her sustenance. Like so much maize which, you'll remember, means corn.
Mitchell: What if I was a single dad?
Quote from Alone Time
Gloria: It's a bad time, Cam. Turns out, it wasn't the allergies. I feel terrible. You shouldn't be close to me. I don't want to get you sick.
Cameron: Oh, gosh. No danger of that. I have the immune system of a horse. When I was a kid, I needed a transfusion, and there was a mix-up with the vials. I've contacted Marvel Comics repeatedly, but they don't seem interested.