Mitchell: When did we decide that Lily could go to Disneyland? I thought we were gonna talk about this.
Cameron: She's missing one day of school. I missed half of the fifth grade because of a pig bite, and I'm just as educated as anyone else.
Mitchell: Really? When we met, you thought you grew up in Central America.
Cameron: Missouri is in the center of America.
Mitchell: Okay. You also thought that the cavemen killed the dinosaurs.
Cameron: Were you there?

Jay: I know she got to you, but, uh, I need you to tell me the truth.
Joe: Is that ice cream for me?
Jay: Could be. What happened to your mom's car? [Joe is silent] I can wait all day, but the trouble with ice cream is, it melts.
Joe: I like it when it melts.
Jay: What do you mean you like it when it melts? Nobody likes ice cream when it melts.
Joe: It's like soup.
Jay: You hate soup.
Joe: Not chocolate soup.

Cameron: Pameron Jessica Tucker, listen to me. You need to stop those dirty jailbird phone calls right this second with Bo, or I am...
Pam: Oh, my God! You've been listening in on my private conversation?
Cameron: You should be ashamed of yourself. Talking like a girl from Cricketsville, you were raised better than that.
Pam: You stay the hell out of my business. And stop looking down your nose at Cricketsville. They got a Target now with a Banksy on the side of it.
Cameron: Yeah, right. I'm sure Banksy drove to Cricketsville and painted on the s... Oh, you mean the ATM.
Pam: Well, what the hell else would I be talking about?