TV Quotes

Claire: Oh, God. Honey, are you sure you're okay? It's Saturday night. You're drinking wine in your bathrobe with a come-from-nowhere cat.
Alex: What's wrong with that? Take away the cat, and I'm basically you.

Rainer Shine: My God, look at those winds. They must register at least a on the Beaufort Scale. Think of all the sun roofs left open. Think of all the freshly blown-out hair de-volumizing. How could I not see this coming?
Haley: Rainer.
Rainer Shine: Is this the only thing I was off about today?
Haley: What do you mean?
Rainer Shine: Well, let's face it, Haley. I did not think this through. I mean, where are we gonna live? My place only has one walk-in closet, which would stay mine. And how's my daughter gonna feel about us getting married? Are you gonna want to have children? Can I even have more children? [whispering] I've spent a lot of time in tanning beds.
Haley: Um, I think you're spinning a little. Look, sometimes when I'm reorganizing my closet, I feel overwhelmed, like I'm never gonna get through it all. So I force myself to look at things in smaller sections. I arrange five pairs of shoes at a time. Twelve hours later, I'm done. So, that's what we'll do. We'll take things five years at a time.
Rainer Shine: In five years, I'll be 50.
Haley: What?
Rainer Shine: What did you think 45 + 5 plus was?
Haley: Well, until today, you were 44, which I had basically convinced myself was 40, and now suddenly we're talking about 50, which is basically 60.

Jay: It's a movie. New York, '70s, Charles Bronson's a firm family man, and he-
Manny: Who's pushed to the limit until one day he decides to fight back.
Jay: You've seen it?
Manny: It's called "Death Wish." I doubt it ends with him trading banter in an apartment with Marsha Mason.

Manny: But you also shouldn't worry about what Dad thinks. I think you should become a citizen because even back when we were alone in our apartment this is what you always wanted.
Gloria: Remember sitting by the window, watching reruns of Miami Vice on the neighbor's TV and all the bad guys were caught and all the policemen had all those nice cars?
Manny: We used to watch that and think what an amazing country this was.
[aside to camera:]
Manny: Did a little research. If Mom isn't a citizen when Jay "moves on to a better place", we could be looking at a pretty hefty estate tax. I don't wanna sound insensitive but I have acquired a real taste for truffles.