Sal: Fausta here can babysit Sammy and General Tsour over there. Sammy, tell your guncles hello like I taught you.
Sammy: Enchante.
Mitchell: What am I looking at here?
Sal: I'm raising him gay. Tell Uncle Mitchell what you think about those pants.
Sammy: Tragic.
Sal: Oh, it's sticking! [laughs]

Gloria: Jay, this is not funny. I come from a very long line of overly sexy men. My cousin Ricardo, he had a sex addition.
Jay: You mean "addiction."
Gloria: Uh, yeah, sorry. He built an addiction onto his house for making love to his many girlfriends.

Phil: [aside to camera] I've got a crazy-good poker face, but I didn't love the watch. I'd been dropping these big hints about a pair of genuine Houdini handcuffs on sale at a local magic shop. They're from his famous Coffin of Cobras Escape of 1923. The trick was so shocking that women went into spontaneous labor and the men paired off in violent fighting.