Ronaldo: Mm, I'm going to miss this beautiful diva. Her tummy can get a little fussy, so if you're ever wondering what to cook for her, just ask yourself, "What would Patti LuPone eat?"

Phil: Not to sound like a total Katen, but Haley's new job seems whack.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: If Haley wants to work in promotion, she should learn from my guy, Mr. Merv Schechter. Among his brilliant innovations, the indoor blimp that drops coupons at basketball games. Sadly, it was later weaponized by several terrorist organizations.

Claire: All right, Luke, we need to talk. Grandpa is coming for you, and he has run successful political campaigns before. He got Mitchell elected class president before it was cool to be gay.