Claire: [aside to camera] The best part about taking over my dad's company: I am now a powerful white male, and I love it. I totally get now why we don't want anyone else to have what we have.

Phil: Good morning, Madam President. May I introduce you to the ambassador of Java?
Claire: Oh, thank you. Because, after all, what is a travel mug but a closet for your coffee? And boom, our next promotional giveaway.
Phil: Wow. Throw on a black turtleneck and some mom jeans, It's like I'm married to Steve Jobs.

Jay: You know, these cheese cubes keep getting smaller every week. I should start saving these to prove my point. Wow, am I retired.