Gloria Quote #573

Quote from Gloria in Phil's Sexy, Sexy House

Jay: [aside to camera] So, this year, we're surprising the family with a trip to Miami. The travel company needs everybody's driver's license to book the flight. That's where "sticky fingers" here comes in handy.
Gloria: Everybody has a bad cousin that teaches you a few things. Like how to smoke, how to pick-pocket, how to hot-wire a car, how to put tacks on your shoe when you want to throw off a-a lie-detector test.
Jay: Which cousin was this?
Gloria: I am the cousin.

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 ‘Phil's Sexy, Sexy House’ Quotes

Quote from Gloria

Gloria: [to Alex] Let me give you a hug goodbye. I cannot believe that you're already going to college. It seems like yesterday when you were a little girl reading at college level.

Quote from Alex

Claire: Oh, Alex!
Phil: Claire?
Claire: ­Reuben again? He wore a Batman cape to the first day of high school!
Alex: You're really judging me right now when you look like a hooker at Comic-Con?

 Gloria Delgado Quotes

Quote from Come Fly with Me

Gloria: [aside to camera] I always wanted a daughter. To dress her up with pretty dresses, do her hair, her nails, her makeup. [chuckles] No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everybody that he was my daughter. [laughs] Ay, but just for a few times. I didn't want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.

Quote from Unplugged

Jay: Why didn't you just tell me this in the first place?
Gloria: Ay, like you would be okay with me stealing a dog.
Jay: No.
Gloria: Exactly. That's why I didn't tell you. Now the dog is happy, Manny can sleep, and we have pickles.
Jay: Okay, it worked out this time, but don't forget that stealing is against the law. Now maybe in Colombia-
Gloria: Ah, here we go. Because in Colombia, we trip over goats and we kill people in the street. Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!