Jay: [aside to camera] So, this year, we're surprising the family with a trip to Miami. The travel company needs everybody's driver's license to book the flight. That's where "sticky fingers" here comes in handy.
Gloria: Everybody has a bad cousin that teaches you a few things. Like how to smoke, how to pick-pocket, how to hot-wire a car, how to put tacks on your shoe when you want to throw off a-a lie-detector test.
Jay: Which cousin was this?
Gloria: I am the cousin.

Gloria: [to Alex] Let me give you a hug goodbye. I cannot believe that you're already going to college. It seems like yesterday when you were a little girl reading at college level.

Claire: Oh, Alex!
Phil: Claire?
Claire: ­Reuben again? He wore a Batman cape to the first day of high school!
Alex: You're really judging me right now when you look like a hooker at Comic-Con?