Gloria: Ay, what is it?!
Manny: You can always tell when something's wrong.
Gloria: What is her name?
Manny: Chelsea, the prettiest barista who's ever served me a double-shot half-caff caramel macchiato with a dusting of cinnamon. I want to talk to her, but whenever I do, all I can say is, "mmmm."
Gloria: Maybe you used up all your words ordering that coffee.

Jay: This show again?
Gloria: Yes. I don't know what it is. I love this character so much.
Jay: Who's the old crank?
Gloria: Her husband, of course.
Manny: Who's the disaster with the scarf?
Gloria: Her son, Pepito.
Manny: You at least look like your guy. My guy-
Jay: Can it, Pepito.

Dylan: Morning, Dunphys. Oh, still no ducks, huh? Fascinating creatures. I just read a book about them.
Claire: You did?
Haley: Yes, mom. Dylan reads.
Dylan: It was my nephew's book. It was about a duck and a penguin who go on vacation together. You could touch the duck's fuzz.
Haley: Bloop-bloop!
Dylan: That's the sound she makes when she wants me to fast-forward.
Phil: I feel you, money. Claire does the same thing to me. I think it started when I was inventing that new dental floss.
Claire: Bloop-bloop-bloop-bloop!
Dylan: So, the book said ducklings imprint on their mom as soon as they're born. Their brains are so small, they just latch on to something and follow it around as a way to find food. Yum.