Alex: I want you to go to Europe with me.
Claire: What?
Alex: Yeah. We'll have a great time cafes, museums. Plus, Europe is not safe for teenage girls. You've seen Taken. Could you imagine Dad getting that phone call?
Claire: What is his particular set of skills? Juggling?

Cameron: So you admit it. You are having an affair.
Mitchell: What?
Cameron: It's the braces, isn't it? I've driven you to stray. I'm hideous.
Mitchell: Cam, you're acting crazy.
Cameron: Am I? Mitchell, I found the receipt to the Avian [ah-vian] Hotel.
Mitchell: That's pronounced "avian."
Cameron: Well, it sounds seedy.
Mitchell: It is. It's a kennel for birds. It's where I picked up George.
Cameron: Oh, there's a George too?
Mitchell: Calm down. I'm talking about a cockatoo.
Cameron: Oh! One or two. Is that all? How blase.

Claire: I'm desperate. Just teach me the song.
Phil: [on virtual presence device] Well, well, well. Look who came crawling back.
Claire: Just teach it to me.
Phil: Okay. It's called "Go Ask Alex." [strumming, singing] "When you don't know what a word means, go ask Alex If you need someone to hem your jeans, go ask Alex-
Claire: I can't believe I'm even saying this but instead of "hem your jeans," could it be "steam your greens"?
Phil: No, it can't. The jeans come back at the four-minute mark.