Phil: So, the doctor will see you in a few minutes.
Luke: Nice someone can see.
Phil: Glad to know your good eye can still roll. So still angry, huh?
Luke: Gee, why would I be angry? Because you insulted me, maimed me and belittled my achievements in the banjonic and trampolinic arts?

Phil: Is that my banjo?
Claire: Mmm?
[aside to camera:]
Phil: When I met this little lady sitting next to me it was love at first sight. Yep, I've been noodling around on the ol' flyswatter for a couple of years now. I was inspired by the greats Scruggs, Kermit. It's hard to practice, though because it gets Claire so hot and bothered.

Alex: What's the point? Get straight A's for 10 years, spend your summers building houses drag your cello to school every day, write the perfect essay. And for what? "No, thank you, Alex." "We don't want you, Alex."
Haley: Okay, you are drawing more attention to yourself than the guy wearing a ferret as a scarf.
Alex: I don't care anymore. I've spent my entire life trying to be perfect, and where did it get me? I am in a field with 6,000 idiots! [crowd cheers]
Haley: You know what? I think that this is a good thing for you.
Alex: Can you just spare me today?
Haley: No. You're obviously going to get into one of those snooty schools and sometimes you're gonna come in second or fourth or maybe even 10th. But you're gonna dust yourself off maybe put on some lipstick for once and keep going.
Alex: I'm allowed to feel bad about this, okay?
Haley: Look, you are a superstar. I've been saying since you were 10 you're gonna be on the Supreme Court.
Alex: Thanks. But for the record, I'm gonna be a scientist.
Haley: Lab coat, robe. As long as something's covering up your outfit, you're gonna be just fine.