Jay Quote #794
Jay: [aside to camera] Leaving Phil with a car salesman is like covering a baby goat in barbecue sauce and dropping it in the middle of the Serengeti.
Quote from Lily
Lily: When I grow up, I want to have kids. Well, first, I want a perfect husband. Someone who takes care of me. And then we're gonna make a baby. Which is easy. You just put eggs and tadpoles in a glass, and the woman has to drink it. Then, the woman and man kiss and jump on their bed. After a year, she pees, and a baby comes out.
Alex: Oh, my God.
Manny: Okay, then.
Quote from Luke
Lily: So, do you know how babies are made?
Luke: Yep, and I'll tell you. But first, we're gonna need a pen and a bagel.
Luke: Well, you're gonna need to take notes, and I'm hungry.
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: [aside to camera] There is a lot of pressure when one is a gay uncle.
Cameron: Or guncle.
Mitchell: Giving a gift to a niece as hip and chic as Haley.
Cameron: In the 10 years that we've been together, we've only missed the mark one time.
Mitchell: Yeah, when Claire told us what to buy, but we learned our lesson. Ignore Claire and trust our gay instincts.
Cameron: Or "ginstincts."
Mitchell: Too much.
Quote from Kids These Days
Jay: I hate losing to a team with a Viking mascot. Hey, you died out and became Swedes! Hip-hip-hooray for socialism and seasonal depression!
Quote from Bringing Up Baby
Cameron: It's a French Canadian delicacy called poutine.
Jay: Mm. Well, it looks like vomit, so I'm not pou-ting it in my mouth.