Gloria: [aside to camera] What happened to him? He didn't used to be that self-conscious before High School. He used to go around in his poncho, play the pan flute. Ay, I miss my little old Manny.

Phil: [aside to camera] That may be the best part about being a parent. Whatever's going on in your personal life, when your kid's happy, you're happy. A happy kid is like an antidepressant, but a natural one, not the kind your husband has to find in your jewelry drawer. [chuckles] Enough said about that!

Claire: Do you girls have to move that now?
Haley: Well, I've been lonely. Having a mirror in my room will be like having company!
Alex: Ugh, your daughter's a parakeet.