Jay: What the hell is that?
Manny: A fiber-optic tree. It's way better for the environment than a real one.
Jay: Not if the environment is my living room.
Manny: Look, I admit, it takes some getting used to, but so did Greek yogurt. Now I can't even remember how the old stuff tastes.

Luke: [aside to camera] I'm in charge of the recycling. I'm supposed to bring it from the garage to the curb by 6:00 A.M. Thursday morning. I may have missed a few weeks. Maybe more than a few weeks. After a while, the pile just got so big, I couldn't bring it out the night before or people would ask questions. I don't need people asking questions.

Pilar: This is your great-grandmother's recipe. If she could see you now, she would die again, because you're doing it wrong!
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: My mother has been here all week. I love her very much, but you know what they say: house guests start to stink after three days, like dead bodies.