Claire: Keep your eyes closed, and before you open them, remember that for 20 years, you have given me perfect, creative, thoughtful gifts. And every year, I have let you down. You're about to feel really bad, and I know that, because it's how I have felt every year. But, honey, it is not my intention, because I love you. Happy anniversary.
Phil: Oh, my God. Chinese acrobats?! Twenty years, China, you're brilliant!

Haley: [loudly] I sure hope Mom and dad are surprised by this anniversary breakfast we're bringing them!
Luke: I hate to walk in if they are naked.
Alex: Yes, that kind of image could haunt someone if she tries to sleep even years later.
Claire: Oh, relax. I think you're safe.
Phil: [clipping his toenails] Or are they?

Phil: [singing] She's a pretty sight Wise as a buddha But, brother, watch that bite 'cause she's a Claire-Acuda.
Cameron: Or maybe an existing song.
Lily: Thank you.