Jay: I don't know if it was the six scotches I drank waiting for everybody, or the fact that I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. Or the moment Phil's suit finally gave up. They even played my favorite song.
[flashback to Jay singing "Midnight Train to Georgia" by Gladys Knight and the Pips]
Jay: A train I'd never make unless I told Gloria it left at 11:00.

Haley: I don't get it. Doesn't the wine get the cow drunk?
Manny: Thank you.
Jay: Honest to God. Have neither of you seen a cow? They're huge.
Haley: I bet Tequila would do it quicker.
Jay: It's not the goal to get the cow drunk.

Jay: Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Manny: I've never seen you so excited about a restaurant.
Jay: I've waited six weeks for this reservation. They have an Australian wagyu beef that's supposed to change your life.
Manny: In the way heart disease changes your life?
Jay: Because you're a pillar of health. They only feed this cow alfalfa, barley, and red wine, and some chef hand-picks each cut, dry ages it 35 days before cooking it to a perfect medium-rare, all for me.
Manny: Doesn't the wine make the cow drunk?
Jay: It's not "The Far Side." The cow doesn't drive anywhere.