Dede Quote #23
Jay: Hello, DeDe. How you doing?
Dede: Oh, mostly fine. I have something called a telescoping uterus. Long story.
Jay: Aw, jeez.
Quote from Luke
Lily: What does this do?
Luke: I don't know, but thanks to Obama, you're paying for it.
Quote from Jay
Jay: [on the phone] What are you doing there?
Mitchell: They asked me to come along in case they needed a lawyer.
Jay: Shouldn't they have a real lawyer?
Phil: Oh, God. Should we?
Mitchell: I am a real lawyer, people. Environmental law is a thing.
Jay: Don't get all sensitive on me. I mean someone who doesn't defend pandas.
Mitchell: Yeah, dad, 'cause that's what I do. I-I defend pandas in court.
Phil: That's adorable.
Jay: You know what I'm talking about. Haley needs somebody who knows criminal law, like Perry Mason.
Mitchell: Okay, so I'm not a real lawyer, but Perry Mason is?
Quote from The Incident
Mitchell: Mom. Mom, what are you doing to her legs?
Dede: Tai chi. I did it every day in Sedona. Cameron, you should try it. [Cameron puts down scone]
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: Mitchell's mother has a problem... with me. Last Christmas, for example, she gave me a piece of exercise equipment and a lettuce dryer. So, to recap, I gave her a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings, and she gave me a hint.
Quote from Sarge & Pea
Dede: Well, I don't know what you're doing, but you look great.
Jay: And you look great, too. Oh, look, there's no line at the bar. How about a Rob Roy for old time's sake?
Dede: Oh, you remembered, Sarge. [to Mitchell] That was the only drink I could keep down when I was pregnant.