Phil: [knocks] What's the most dangerous type of uranium cake? Yellow!

Phil: [answering FaceTime] What's the best first-person shooter about genetically-modified space marines? Halo!

Phil: I have to go show a house. But first, what was Elton John's sexual orientation in the '70s?
Haley & Alex: Bi.
Haley: You've done that one before.
Phil: And it never gets old. Like the good Captain Fantastic himself.

Haley: Mom heard us say we were bored.
Phil: Suckers.
Alex: She heard us from outside.
Haley: She has super good hearing, like a seeing eye dog. They have overdeveloped hearing to make up for the fact that-- Wait, the dogs aren't blind. Wait. Are they? No, that wouldn't make sense.
Alex: You're right. If I wait long enough, she can get there by herself.

Cameron: It's perfect! It's our chance to have a baby that's part me, part you!
Mitchell: No, no! It's part you and part Claire. I'm nowhere in there. And it's not like I can pretend. It's- She's not some egg donor that we don't know. It's Claire. You know, we see her all the time. And what are we supposed to tell the baby? "Say hi to your Aunt Mommy!"
Cameron: Adorable.
Mitchell: No, not adorable. Appalachian.