[asides to camera, separately:]
Phil: Claire and Jay are incredibly competitive.
Gloria: Tennis games, card games, everything. Who knows why?
Mitchell: Claire is the son that my dad never had. I mean, he just wanted someone to throw a ball in the backyard. I did once, but he did not attend.

Luke: Ugh! I wouldn't have to do any of this if Alex would just let me use hers from when she took the class.
Alex: Never. That design is my intellectual property. I think it has applications for unmanned space flight.
Haley: Keep talking like that and you'll go through life unmanned.

Claire: You know, this is your fault.
Jay: What?
Claire: The way we compete with each other it's sick. It's so sick, two 13-year-olds know how to take advantage of us. And you know what? You made me this way.
Jay: How do you figure that?
Claire: Dad! You pushed me into sports. You never let me win. You know, that stuff, it does something to a girl.
Jay: For your information, you came out of the womb like that. I'm not entirely sure there wasn't a twin in there you bumped off.