Haley: [aside to camera] We thought the lock was a really good idea.
Alex: But the problem is, it makes a noise.
Luke: A loud noise. It's hard for me to look at Dad afterwards.

Jay: Come on! Let's go. We're gonna need a little extra time at airport security 'cause I'm pretty sure they're gonna want to pat you down.
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: Manny's with his father for the weekend so Jay and I are flying to Vegas.
Jay: I'm a little torn because I want alone time with Gloria but I also like rubbing Manny's head for good luck.

Gloria: I just need to send this e-mail to Claire why I'm not working on the bake sale next week, but I can't say the real reason.
Jay: Why not?
Gloria: Because she drive me crazy when she's in charge of these things.
Jay: Okay. We got a flight to catch, so let me help you out here. You tell me what you wanna say to her, and I'll help you find a nice way to say it.
Gloria: I want to say "I can't work on the bake sale because you're a bossy control freak that looks down on my cupcakes, even though your lemon squares were very dry."
Jay: There. Okay? How's this?
Gloria: "Dear Claire, I can't work the bake sale because you're a bossy control freak who look down..." Very funny, Jay. Ay. Ay. Why the whoosh? Where did- Where is the e-mail? It sended! Ay! Make it come back.
Jay: I don't know how to make it come back.
Gloria: Now she's gonna read it and she's gonna think it's from me!
Jay: Well, technically, it was from you. But come on. Let's hit the road.
Gloria: It sended! Please come back.