Pepper: Oh, boys. Boys, I can't stand that I'm coming between you. Not that I'm surprised. I admit I have noticed the stolen glances and the yearning in your eyes.
Mitchell: Okay. Well, you'll... You'll forgive us, Pepper, if we sit out your next few brunches?
Pepper: Absolutely. I would hate to lose you two. I've always thought of you as being like my-
Cameron: Sons?
Mitchell: Sons?
Pepper: Sons?! I was gonna say brothers. [scoffs; crying] It's like a house of pain.

Cameron: Oh, we're gonna die! We're gonna die!
Mitchell: We better not. If they find us in these outfits, it's gonna be very bad for the gays.

Claire: I can hear the two of you scheming out there. Don't you dare leave this house.
Haley: Oh, why do you have to be such a psycho control freak?
Claire: Okay. You know what? Just for that, you are grounded one week.
Haley: Oh, that's good parenting.
Claire: Okay. Two weeks. Wanna double it? Keep talking!
Haley: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!
Claire: Fine! Four weeks! Four!
Haley: Double it again and make it 10 weeks!
Alex: Oh, my God! Do you not hear how much you need to study?