Alex: Dad, your phone's been buzzing like crazy.
Phil: Sweet Lorna Doone. Nineteen missed calls? I wonder who's... [answering phone] Phil Dunphy. You saw the ad? Great. Do you know what you're looking for? The little one. I think I know which one you're talking about. Um, if you're interested, I also have an older model with a lot of character. What? I think the carpet matches the drapes. I haven't checked in a while. Both of them? Wow. Well, I guess that makes sense if you're planning to flip one. Listen, um, why don't I call you back? We'll set up an appointment. It will give me a chance to give them both a good scrubbing. All right. Thanks a lot. Bye-bye.

Luke: Looking great, Dad.
Phil: With these steps, I break the surly bonds- Chicken in a basket! Don't look at me.

Mitchell: Oh, remember how much fun we had when we built that bookshelf together?
[aside to camera:]
Jay: That was my Vietnam. And I was in Vietnam.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] My great-great-grandfather helped build the Brooklyn Bridge. I heard that until the day he died, every time he passed it he was filled with such pride. He'd say, "There's a little bit of me in that bridge." I know that I'm not the handiest guy, but I'm still a man. And I want to be able to look out into my yard and say "There's a little bit of me in that princess castle."

Manny: What's wrong?
Gloria: No, nothing.
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: Okay, sue me. I am a Colombian mother. I'm not gonna let him make a mistake that is gonna affect him for the rest of my life. His life.