[asides to camera:]
Alex: What's the most irritating thing my parents say to me?
Manny: "That's too much cologne."
Haley: "That's how girls end up dead."
Luke: "Don't talk black to me."
Manny: "It's inappropriate because she's your teacher."
Luke: "How do you even talk black? End words with 'izzle'"?
Alex: [o.s.] It's "talk back," you idiot.
Luke: Oh.

Phil: Luke, buddy, hold back a sec. This is not gonna happen, okay, but there is a scenario where you could be the man of the house and you need to know all the PIN numbers and passwords.
Luke: I don't wanna be the man of the house.
Phil: Now, don't talk black to me.

Phil: Okay, kids, gather around. Like you're hugging me, but don't touch me, okay? Now look, I'm gonna be fine.
Alex: We know, Dad.
Phil: We don't know that. It's a miracle I'm standing up. But look, in case anything happens- [groans, exhales] I want you to know that if I'd had time, I would have fixed that step.