Modern Family - Cameron Quote #49
Cameron: [aside to camera] I've known I wanted to be a clown since I found out clowns were just people with makeup. Um, as a matter of fact, by the time I was a teenager, if I wasn't in school or fishin', I was clownin'. There are four types of clowns: a tramp, an Auguste, a whiteface and a character. I am a classically trained Auguste clown named Fizbo. What?
Mitchell: Nothing. Between the clownin' and the fishin', I'm surprised you had time for the schoolin'. Aw, and there's the fifth type, the sad clown.
Cameron: Sad clown is a tramp. So there's still only four types.
Quote from Phil
Phil: [aside to camera] I am brave. Roller coasters? Love 'em. Scary movies? I've seen Ghostbusters like seven times. I regularly drive through neighborhoods that have only recently been gentrified. So yeah, I'm pretty much not afraid of anything. Except clowns. Never shared that with the fam, so shh. Do have an image to maintain. I am not really sure where the fear comes from. My mother says it's because when I was a kid, I found a dead clown in the woods. But who knows?
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: Cam, I thought we discussed this.
Cameron: We did. But I- I started thinking. And this isn't about you or me. This is about a little boy who deserves some happiness.
Mitchell: And he's gonna get that from his weird gay clown uncle?
Cameron: Fizbo is not gay. He's asexual.
Cameron: He's an innocent whose only drive is to bring people joy and laughter and balloon animals. He's- He's the least sexual being on earth.
Mitchell: Oh. Oh, okay. Well, at least we agree on something.
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: Um, hey.
Guy: Hey yourself. Move.
Mitchell: You kind of just bumped me with your car.
Guy: I don't think so.
Mitchell: No. No, you did, because, um- Yeah, I got grease on my pants and then also I felt it.
Guy: Call an ambulance.
Mitchell: Okay. I just thought you might wanna know in case you wanted to be a decent human being and apologize, but- No? Okay. Ass.
Guy: What did you say?
Mitchell: Just forget about it, all right?
Guy: Listen, carrot top. I didn't touch you. So do the smart thing. Shut your hole, get in your car and drive away.
Cameron: [as Fizbo] Is there a problem here?
Guy: What the hell are you?
Cameron: I'm the ass-kicking clown that'll twist you like a balloon animal. I will beat your head against this bumper until the air bags deploy. So apologize to my boyfriend right now! Apologize?
Guy: Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Cameron: [to Mitchell] Let's go. We're gonna be late.
Quote from Send Out the Clowns
Cameron: [aside to camera] This week, the world lost a great man, and I lost a mentor. For nearly 60 years, Professor Ringmaster Al Uzielli helped young hopefuls like me find their clown persona.
Mitchell: "Professor Ringmaster"?
Cameron: It's a very prestigious title at Clown College. One step below Piemaster General.
Quote from Unplugged
Cameron: [affected accent] The tribe elders foretold that though I lay with fire-haired man, the giving hawk would bring us baby with her skin the color of sweet corn, which my people call maize.
Mitchell: Okay. Please stop.
Mr. Plympton: Well, uh-
Cameron: Knowledge is her sustenance. Like so much maize which, you'll remember, means corn.
Mitchell: What if I was a single dad?
Quote from Alone Time
Gloria: It's a bad time, Cam. Turns out, it wasn't the allergies. I feel terrible. You shouldn't be close to me. I don't want to get you sick.
Cameron: Oh, gosh. No danger of that. I have the immune system of a horse. When I was a kid, I needed a transfusion, and there was a mix-up with the vials. I've contacted Marvel Comics repeatedly, but they don't seem interested.