Phil: [aside to camera] As if getting robbed wasn't bad enough, now that we were hosting Christmas, I had to get a new tree and gifts into the house before Claire got home. Fortunately, I had a copy of her gift list. It was eerie how many of these events were lining up with the plot of my children's book in progress, "The Realtor Who Saved Christmas."

Manny: Hey, wait, wait a second. Wait a second. This is your medication? "Good Old Fashioned Elbow Grease?"
Jay: I suffer from dry elbow.
Manny: That's what I risked my life for?
Jay: Supple elbows are heavily featured in every good power pose. That's how I got the cover to Closet World. I literally elbowed my way to the top.

Lily: Can we go look at phones after this?
Cameron: No, Lily, you are not getting a cell phone for Christmas. They're expensive, and you haven't proven yourself responsible enough to own one yet.
Lily: Uh, I was responsible enough to come to a foreign country and build a life with two strangers.
Mitchell: Okay, you used that one to get a later bedtime, all right?