Cameron: No, okay, not happening. I'm having flashbacks. I don't know if I ever told you this, but when I was kid, I fell into a well.
Mitchell & Cameron: [together] It happened the same day as baby Jessica, but she got all the press.
Cameron: It still stings. Everybody loves a baby, but not one single prayer for a husky teen who's stuck head-first in a well for the better part of an hour.

Claire: So what do you think? Can we turn this into a baseball field?
Cameron: Oh, yeah. No problem. You know, back on the farm, I once turned an acre of corn into a snowflake-shaped maze. It'd still be there if our neighbor Billy Bob Sheinberg hadn't seen it from his crop duster and said it looked like a swastika.

Phil: Hey. I just ran into Dylan. He told me what happened between you two.
Haley: Look, whatever he said...
Phil: Relax. I know you kissed him again.
Haley: Okay.
Phil: You clearly inherited the power of the Dunphy kiss. Take it from me. That can really mess with a man.

Dylan: Anyway, I just want to talk to her, and she won't return my calls.
Phil: She's ghosting you?
Dylan: For an older dude, you always kept up with the lingo.
Phil: Word.
Phil: Aw, I'm sorry, man. You're a good guy. You deserve better than being ghosted. I'll talk to her.
Dylan: You'd do that for me?
Phil: Yeah, I'll throw her a gab. You stab me?
Dylan: Huh?
Phil: Darn it. I think Luke's messing with me.

Jay: [aside to camera] So, it turns out Manny's fake Canadian girlfriend is real and annoying. Until he goes back to school, she's staying here and auditioning to be an improv star, just like, you know, no one ever.