Jay Quote #1289
Quote from Jay in Daddy Issues
Jay: Now see, this is when entertainment was classy. Max Feldman wore a tux, the audience smoked cigars. And his act is as fresh today as it was in the '70s.
Max Feldman: What are you, an Eskimo? You got 50 words for "snow," but apparently none for "toothbrush."
[Jay and Manny laugh]
Gloria: I don't understand why you guys like that man. He's a bully.
Jay: See, this is why we're not bringing you to his show tonight. You don't get the jokes, you ask questions the whole time. It ruins the experience.
Gloria: I understand funny jokes. This is not funny. This is mean. He just told that guy that he looked like a beef jerky wearing a tuxedo.
Jay: And that guy was Ronald Reagan and he loved it! I hope Feldman zetzes me tonight.
Modern Family Quotes
‘Daddy Issues’ Quotes
Quote from Phil
Phil: Box of chocolates. Count Chocula. Chaka Khan, conman, Isle of Man. "I Love Lucy," Lucy Liu. Lululemon, lemon peel. "Key & Peele," key chain! Novelty key chain?! No! No!
Quote from Phil
Phil: Mm. I mean, finding a gift that has all three is challenging, but here's the thing. Bad ideas aren't your enemy. In fact, sometimes if you free-associate from the bad ideas, you discover great ones. Let's try it.
Sales Associate: Sir, would you like a bonsai tree?
Phil: Novelty key chain. First thing that popped into the noodle. It's terrible. Let's see what that key unlocks. Novelty key chain. Novelty lock. Loch Ness Monster. Monster bike. Bike lock. Padlock. Mouse pad. Novelty mouse pad! Novelty key chain! What just happened?
Quote from Phil
Phil: If I don't care that it mops, dusts, squeegees, and lights up, would I care that Stacey Keach says it's the last cleaning tool you'll ever need?