Alex: 110 pages? What time are we supposed to get out of here?
Claire: Oh, honey, you got a hot date tonight?
Haley: Mom, don't be mean. Ignore her.
[aside to camera:]
Alex: I actually am in a relationship, but I've been hiding it from everybody because I have once again chosen somebody that is completely inappropriate. It's this older guy Ben. He works for my mother, and he lives with his mother. I'm like a moth to a flame if the flame is an underachieving man-child with a Tasmanian Devil tattoo on his butt.

Manny: Anyway, when it's over, feel free to share your thoughts what you liked, what you loved, but also the negatives what went over your head, any words you didn't know.
[aside to camera:]
Manny: I'm submitting my latest play to a young playwrights festival, but I want to hear it out loud first to be sure I've hit all my emotional marks. One might ask, "Why all female characters?" Let's just say, write what you know. [clicks tongue] Wait. To clarify, I understand women. I don't feel like I am one.

Cameron: Louise, what are you doing here? You're not dropping out of the league championship tonight, are you?
Mitchell: Louise is dropping out of the league championship? Did you shoot yourself in the leg again? Oh, my God, we're one win away from my first sports trophy, and then this happens.
Louise: All I said was "Hey, Cam."
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: So, this year, I invited Mitchell to join my gay bowling team the Britney Spares. I came up with the team name, I designed the shirts. It's not important who gets the credit.
Mitchell: When we first stated, my bowling was, um... well, it was iffy. But then I practiced and I practiced until the shoe-rental guy called me "decent."