Haley: Who are you texting?
Alex: Ahh! No one. I'm just reading my horoscope.
Haley: Liar. Why would anyone read their horoscope so late in the day? Everything's already happened.

Alex: 110 pages? What time are we supposed to get out of here?
Claire: Oh, honey, you got a hot date tonight?
Haley: Mom, don't be mean. Ignore her.
[aside to camera:]
Alex: I actually am in a relationship, but I've been hiding it from everybody because I have once again chosen somebody that is completely inappropriate. It's this older guy Ben. He works for my mother, and he lives with his mother. I'm like a moth to a flame if the flame is an underachieving man-child with a Tasmanian Devil tattoo on his butt.

Manny: Anyway, when it's over, feel free to share your thoughts what you liked, what you loved, but also the negatives what went over your head, any words you didn't know.
[aside to camera:]
Manny: I'm submitting my latest play to a young playwrights festival, but I want to hear it out loud first to be sure I've hit all my emotional marks. One might ask, "Why all female characters?" Let's just say, write what you know. [clicks tongue] Wait. To clarify, I understand women. I don't feel like I am one.