Cameron: Oh, my God, I hate pranks so much. Now I'm gonna spend the whole dance paranoid wondering what they're gonna do. Is it gonna hurt? Am I gonna cry?
Mitchell: You're a clown. Isn't that mostly just pranking people?
Cameron: No, it is not. Clowns are loving and joyful. You know what? I was warned about this kind of ignorance.
Don't make me regret marrying outside the big top.

Phil: How about ice cream?
Jay: Too cold.
Phil: Coffee?
Jay: Too late.
Phil: Oh, wait a minute. I'm such an idiot. I forgot about the Clint Eastwood retrospective followed by the scotch tasting where famous athletes from the '70s tell stories about how life used to be in Youngstown.
Jay: Really?
Phil: No! It doesn't exist.

Claire: We got to keep our eyes peeled for kids trying to bring alcohol in here. I cannot make it through this thing without a drink.