Alex: Dad, your phone's been buzzing like crazy.
Phil: Sweet Lorna Doone. Nineteen missed calls? I wonder who's... [answering phone] Phil Dunphy. You saw the ad? Great. Do you know what you're looking for? The little one. I think I know which one you're talking about. Um, if you're interested, I also have an older model with a lot of character. What? I think the carpet matches the drapes. I haven't checked in a while. Both of them? Wow. Well, I guess that makes sense if you're planning to flip one. Listen, um, why don't I call you back? We'll set up an appointment. It will give me a chance to give them both a good scrubbing. All right. Thanks a lot. Bye-bye.

Luke: Looking great, Dad.
Phil: With these steps, I break the surly bonds- Chicken in a basket! Don't look at me.

Gloria: Manny, it was a great idea to come on the train.
Manny: Rail is a last bastion of respectable travel now that every airport has become a sweat-pant convention.

Jay: Hey, thank you. Here's an Andrew Jackson. Make a clean set of sheets happen, I'll introduce you to his twin brother. [chuckles] You don't have to do the banter, but what's it cost me?

[aside to camera:]
Cameron: Phil sent me his Silverton fan fiction, "Open House, Closed Casket."
[separetly to camera:]
Phil: "He looked up at the pristine crown molding in the great room and felt the breeze of the recently updated central air. 'Mrs. Coruthers, just as this desirable corner lot was split in half, so, too, is Mr. Coruthers.' The widow gasped and steadied herself on the granite kitchen island, a fitting metaphor for how alone she felt, despite being walking distance to a vibrant shopping district and wonderful schools."
[back:]
Cameron: I've been avoiding him for the last two weeks.