Jay: Why would I want these people in my house messing up my poker game?
Gloria: Maybe you'll meet new friends.
Jay: We've been over this before. I don't want any new friends. I have the exact-right number of friends.
Gloria: Jay, your friends have been around since before the movies could talk. I don't think it's the worst idea to start getting some backups.

Gloria: Dana, come with me to the kitchen while the boys get to know each other.
Dana: All right. Did you hear they're thinking of eliminating cursive at the school?
Gloria: All of it, or just the "F" word?

Gloria: For someone that says that they don't want to talk about the movie, that's all you seem to be talking about.
Jay: I think it's better than putting this yellow mush in my mouth.
Gloria: Yeah, maybe if you opened up your mind, you would see that this is actually delicious. Mm-mmm!
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: It was disgusting, but I could never let Jay know that he was right.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Food wasn't terrible. And if I'm being honest, the movie sort of stayed with me.