Cameron: Pameron Tucker, you outdid yourself on these biscuits and gravy. They are so tasty, they make you want to slap your mama. Am I right, Mitchell?
Mitchell: Sure. If that's a thing, why not?
Pam: Bless your hearts.
Lily: [Southern accent] I'm fuller than a dog tick.
Mitchell: Hey, just because they do it...

Waitress: Can I get you anything?
Jay: You know what a Reuben is?
Waitress: Yes.
Jay: No, you don't. This is a Reuben. You grill the bread and the corned beef separately. Now, I said corned beef. There's no vodka in a martini. There's no pastrami in a Reuben. You put 'em together. Then you have 'kraut, Swiss, Russian. Axis, neutral, ally. That's how you remember.
Waitress: Got it. Rodrigo! Number siete!

Haley: Okay, well, we can start at this western place where I know the bartender. If you hang back, I can get us free drinks all night.
Andy: It won't look weird, you ordering two drinks every time you go up?
Haley: No.
Andy: Then let's turn this mother out.
Haley: [weak chuckle]
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I got pretty lucky pulling that expression out of my fanny. I'm not usually so quick with party talk, but I've always had this fear that Haley would think I couldn't keep up with her, so I just tried to survive the night and not barf on my dad's old church shirt.