Gloria: [aside to camera] Christmas in Colombia was always hot and loud, people arguing, betrayal, schemes. So I rented a mountain cabin for the whole family to celebrate my first Christmas as an American. I want a white Christmas, you know, like white people have.

Jay: [aside to camera] There is no Chuck Feeny. I made him up because of what happened to Don McSorley when he turned his company over to his son. Son only took the job because he felt obligated. One year later, business went bankrupt. Broke my heart to buy his entire inventory 8 cents on the dollar.

Jay: Gloria and I have been talking about this for a while. What with Joe getting older, I feel it's just the right time to start a new chapter, which is why I've decided... to retire.
Mitchell: Oh, my.
Cameron: What?!
Jay: Well, maybe "retired" is the wrong word. More of a transition. So, when people ask, "where's Jay Pritchett?" You tell them, "he's transitioning."
Mitchell: Mm.
Jay: Okay, I heard it, too. Let's go back to retiring.