Jay: Nobody gets out of this. World's worst sport, world's worst players of it. Twenty-two girls in a cluster zig-zagging across a field like a busted Roomba. Except the only thing it sucks up is two hours of my life.

Manny: It's a tragedy. No other way to put it.
Jay: Such a beautiful day, too.
Gloria: We just have to accept that Lily has a soccer game and we all have to be there. You were supposed to make an excuse.
Jay: I'm sorry! I ran into Cam at the market. He asked if we could go. I panicked. I shot myself in the foot.
Gloria: Oh, yeah, you shot yourself on your foot, you put your foot in your mouth, you put the shoe in the wrong foot. What is with you Americans and the foot? I hate that painting, by the way.

Alex: Hey! No, give that back. Need I remind you I am a yellow belt?
Haley: Ugh, I can't keep track of all your ugly belts, but I don't think you should change roommates.