Claire: [aside to camera] Thirty years ago, my dad was in a local ad for Pritchett's Closets and he has always been really proud of the slogan he came up with. ... I've never understood what it means.
[flashback:]
Announcer: Pritchett's Closets. Choose one of our nine luxurious models like the Monte Carlo. Or how about a custom design using our state of the art technology? Come visit Pritchett's and go home with the closet of your dreams.
Jay: Closet? You'll love it!

Claire: All right, Dad, we're ready for you. Just give us five minutes.
Jay: Seems like a waste of time, but go ahead.
[montage:]
Claire: Closet, but no cigar.
Haley: Why? Because we closet.
Cameron: I'll have what she's closet.
Luke: [as Forrest Gump] Mama always said "Life is like a box of closets."
Manny: On your mark, get set, closet.
Phil: Let's get ready to closet!
Gloria: [imitating Scarface] Say hello to my little closet.
Jay: Damn it. They're all good.

Jay: So if I get "Grumpa," what do they call Phil's dad?
Claire: You know, just "Funpa."
Jay: That mound of human Silly String gets "Funpa"?