Manny: I'm not fighting anymore. It's not worth it.
Gloria: But you're doing so good. You just have to turn your shoulder first so that you can throw your weight behind your punch. If you want. I already think that you're very tough. This is all Jay's idea.
Jay: All right. Come on, kid. Show 'em who's boss.
Manny: No. I'm more of a lover than a fighter. Well, that's the goal anyway.

Cameron: Well, you know, she did seem frazzled. Maybe she forgot to say good-bye.
Mitchell: Oh, and forgot all of her presents. [Sammy fusses]
Ronaldo: [gasps] And forgot her baby.
Mitchell: You don't think that there's any way that she would... No. I can't even say it.
Pepper: I can. That gin-soaked tart abandoned the little bastard. What? He's fatherless. Am I wrong?

Jay: The kid is just not a fighter. He gets squeamish pounding veal.
Gloria: Just do it!
Jay: Fine, but I'm only doing it for the lasagna and the extra food he's been bringing home on Sundays. Makes Mondays easier, you know?
Gloria: Oh, my God, you're the Garfield.