Jay: He's gonna do great.
Manny: Why wouldn't he? There's no one better than Joe, right?
[aside to camera:]
Manny: I'm better than Joe. At his age, I was counting to 10 in three languages. The bar is so low for that kid. Except when they play limbo. They hold it up so high anybody can get under it.

Mitchell: If you went to the library why don't you have any books?
Lily: We read there. I read Clifford the Big Red Dog.
Cameron: I read Richard Chamberlain's autobiography. Did you know he did Hamlet in London?
Lily: Yes, I remember you telling me about that at the San Vicente branch of the public library.
Cameron: Okay. Why don't you go clean your room now, sweetie?

Phil: We need to finesse this, be nice about it. The last thing we need is some huge feud with our crazy neighbors. Movie idea.
Luke: I'll put it on the list. Comedy or drama?
Phil: Depends on casting.
Claire: There's got to be some kind of regulation about this. I'm gonna call the city.
Phil: That's a terrible idea.
Haley: No, a terrible idea is a movie about a guy who can fax himself places.
Luke: 'Cause you haven't heard the title, "Just the Fax Man".
Phil: Huh?
Alex: That water can't hit us soon enough.