Lily: When I grow up, I want to have kids. Well, first, I want a perfect husband. Someone who takes care of me. And then we're gonna make a baby. Which is easy. You just put eggs and tadpoles in a glass, and the woman has to drink it. Then, the woman and man kiss and jump on their bed. After a year, she pees, and a baby comes out.
Luke: Wow.
Alex: Oh, my God.
Manny: Okay, then.

Lily: So, do you know how babies are made?
Luke: Yep, and I'll tell you. But first, we're gonna need a pen and a bagel.
Lily: Why?
Luke: Well, you're gonna need to take notes, and I'm hungry.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] There is a lot of pressure when one is a gay uncle.
Cameron: Or guncle.
Mitchell: Giving a gift to a niece as hip and chic as Haley.
Cameron: In the 10 years that we've been together, we've only missed the mark one time.
Mitchell: Yeah, when Claire told us what to buy, but we learned our lesson. Ignore Claire and trust our gay instincts.
Cameron: Or "ginstincts."
Mitchell: Too much.