Phil: Claire, I know this isn't the Halloween you wanted, but can you try to sell it?
Claire: I'm sorry, honey. I got mad at you and I upset Amber, and all because Ronnie called me a soccer mom. What is wrong with me?
Haley: Nothing. I hate it when people assume things about me that aren't true. Like because I'm pretty, I'm stuck-up. When people do that to me, I'm just like, "Shut up, troll. Why am I even talking to you?"

Jay: Yeah, ouch. You do this every time. You go as a princess. I have to go as some freak. You're beauty, I'm the beast. You're Beyonce? I'm that guy.

Cameron: You know, Lily's been letting me know recently that she's feeling neglected. I think it's because of all my football stuff. That's why I went all out on her costume. Look how incredibly accurate it is. Where is that little guy? Come on. Come to me. Come on. Here you- Here you go.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: No matter how long he stares at it, Cam cannot find Waldo.
Lily: It's crazy.
Mitchell: Once, he pointed to a barber pole, and we just gave it to him.