Manny: You two need each other. It's what drives you.
Earl: The kid is right. Beating you is half the reason I get out of bed. Locking horns. We made each other better than I ever thought we could be.
Jay: Pushed each other to greatness.
Earl: We touched the sky.
Manny: We're talking about closets here, right?
Jay: Oh, I'm sorry, you mean the sanctuary where a man dons his armor in the morning and takes stock of the battle at night?!
Earl: The one thing we all have in common; presidents to postmen, tycoons to teachers, from sea to shining sea!
Manny: This is taking a weird turn.

Jay: [aside to camera] David Soul played Hutch in "Starsky and Hutch." Now, one of my groovier closet ideas was a hutch for your skis that latched onto the end of your closet. I called it the "Storeski End Hutch." David Soul gave me a signed picture. Well, one day, the picture disappears and Earl plays innocent. But the whole time, he's had it. Ironically, this would've been a great episode in "Starsky and Hutch."

Phil: Okay. I'm taking off.
Luke: Where are you going? I thought we were going to give a chicken the best day of its life.
Phil: I hate that we keep rescheduling that, but being a realtor man means working on Sundays, like priests and Lesley Stahl.

Earl: Hello, Jay.
Jay: Hello, Earl.
Gloria: I invited him so that you two finally can bury the machete.

Phil: [aside to camera] I am handling the sale of our neighbor Jerry's house. He's selling it and moving into a bachelor pad now that he's officially divorced.
Claire: Which is great!
Phil: Well, I don't know about "great." I mean, you can come and go as you please, I suppose, and maybe see what's up with the U.P.S. girl who's always asking if you work out, or-
Claire: It's great because we have the rare opportunity to choose our new neighbors.
Phil: While still looking out for my client's best interests, of course.
Claire: Wink wink.
Phil: I'm in kind of in a delicate spot, stuck between my wife and the guy next door, but I'm pretty sure I can satisfy them both simultaneously.