Phil Quote #969
Phil: The miracle of metamorphosis. They say the only constant is change. Well, all of that is about to ch-- Be different. Note the simple burlap sack, the kind you'd find in any home. If you'd be so kind as to assist me, The- The- The Kid, I'll endeavor to prove that some change is glacial, while some change is instantaneous. Now, if you'd be so kind as to raise the simple burlap sack above my head and pinch my wrists. You'll note, the clock says exactly 4:02.
Female magician: I have 3:15.
Ducky: Yeah, I have 6:35. Kaiser Mayhem!
Kaiser Mayhem: It's what I do.
Phil: Wait, it's 5:20? I actually have to call my wife.
Ducky: Uh, no, Phil, you can't just stop in the middle of a trick. That's a cardinal rule.
Phil: Guys, it's an emergency. Don't tell me you've never had to call your spouse. [silence] Oh. There's people for you.
Modern Family Quotes
‘Las Vegas’ Quotes
Quote from Jay
Ducky: There we go.
Jay: You've got the touch, kid.
Ducky: I was blessed with my mother's small hands, sir. Shall I order your complimentary, in-room, hot-stone massage?
Jay: Complimentary?
Ducky: All part of the Excelsior Plus experience, sir. Might be nice after a dip in your private lap pool. Oh, where has this been all my life? You know, I saw a harpist in the elevator. Can we get that for our brunch tomorrow?
Ducky: If it was up to me, yes, but unfortunately, that is reserved for our Excelsior Ultra guests only.
[cut to Jay outside The Mandalay Bay:]
Jay: 62, 63, 64. Son of a bitch!
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: It's just not who we are anymore. Listen to this: "Bananas and Cabanas pool party." Oh, Cam.
Gloria: "Most creative Speedo wins tickets to The Kilty Pleasures."
Mitchell: Oh. Please.
Gloria: What is The Kilty Pleasures?
Cameron: This.
Mitchell: We will be maintaining our dignity in the spa, thank you.
Cameron: I mean, come on, have you ever seen a Scottish person this tan? I'm embarrassed even looking at it.
Claire: Then stop.
Quote from Phil
Higgins: Knockity-knock-knock. Mr. Dunphy, I presume?
Phil: Yes. Who-
Higgins: Hi. I'm Leslie Higgins, it's a boy's name where I'm from. I'm your Butler.
Phil: Oh. Butler. Cool.
Higgins: Yes. As an Excelsior guest, uh, I'm at your beck and call 24/7. Anything you need, big or small, I can- [finds Phil's handcuffs] Oh. Can I just segue, sir, to the importance of discretion in my job? I'll just pop those-
Phil: Oh, no, no, no. Never mind those.
Higgins: As you wish.
Phil: They're for an appointment I have later. The less you know about that, the better.
Higgins: A myriad of apologies, sir.