Phil: Ladies and gentlemen, he's the emperor of escrow. He puts the toot in tooter. Let's put your hands together for Phil Dunphy! [runs out on stage] Thanks for the kind introduction, me. Now, unlike past years I'm not gonna stand up here and talk your ears off. No, ladies and gentlemen. You deserve more. This year, I'm gonna sing them off. [to the tune of Styx's "Sailing"] I'm selling away Set an open house for Saturday... A gathering of agents Appeared in caravan... I'm a new divorce Now I need a house That's cat-friendly.

Gloria: So, you have ways of making him walk? Lily, just admit that you did it.
Lily: Come here, Joe. Come here like you did before.
Jay: Honey, you're embarrassing yourself.
Lily: Come here, Joe.
Jay: He can't walk.
Gloria: He's walking! The candles that I lit worked!
Jay: Look at the stride on him. He's as surefooted as a mountain goat.
Lily: Told you.
Gloria: I'm so sorry that we doubted you.
[aside to camera:]
Lily: Boy, did I get lucky. I'm going to blame everything on him until he learns how to talk.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] I have accepted a job at the C.F.J., the Center For Justice.
Cameron: Not, it turns out, a secret headquarters for superheroes.
Mitchell: No, it- It kind of is. It's a legal-aid society founded by a law-school friend of mine. I will be an advocate for the people, a voice for the voiceless. And just as important-
Cameron: Oh, thank you. Tonight, I am chaperoning the Spring-A-Ding-Fling, a fundraiser, a dance, which, under my stewardship, has shattered school records. And I added the "A-ding." It used to just be called the Spring Fling. I should have said my thing first.