Jay: I don't know if it was the six scotches I drank waiting for everybody, or the fact that I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. Or the moment Phil's suit finally gave up. They even played my favorite song.
[flashback to Jay singing "Midnight Train to Georgia" by Gladys Knight and the Pips]
Jay: A train I'd never make unless I told Gloria it left at 11:00.

Claire: New suit?
Phil: This old thing? Yes, it is. I got it at this hipster place downtown. You like it?
Claire: It's tight.
Phil: Well, the salesman said it was the style, and he looked like a Mumford and Son, so I think he'd know.
Claire: Mm, let's go.
Phil: Whoa. Slow down, Flo Jo.

Haley: I don't get it. Doesn't the wine get the cow drunk?
Manny: Thank you.
Jay: Honest to God. Have neither of you seen a cow? They're huge.
Haley: I bet Tequila would do it quicker.
Jay: It's not the goal to get the cow drunk.