Cameron: Hey, what are you doing with those swatches? She's gonna be here any minute. I told you to put all this wedding stuff away.
Mitchell: Are these really our top-two choices for color palette? Why are they both white?
Lily: That's what my friend Keisha asks about you and daddy.

Alex: Congratulations. You officially beat me in "Words with Friends."
Jay: Better luck next time, kid.
Alex: Okay, I have to ask. Did you cheat? Is that how you won?
Jay: I never took you for a sore loser.
Alex: That's not an answer.
Jay: Listen, one day you might be the smartest person in this family, but today is not that day. So tread lightly before you assiduously malign the veracity of my etymological prowess. Jay Pritchett out. [drops phone]
Alex: You broke your phone, smarty-pants.
Jay: Damn it!

Pam: What's this?
Cameron: Oh, uh, that's an action figure.
Pam: It's two grooms.
Mitchell: They melted together in the car on a very, very hot day.
Cameron: It was 103.
Lily: My daddies are getting married.
Pam: Your dads are getting married? That can't be right.
Lily: That's what my friend Keisha says.